Sugarless and the Sweet
by OllyTheBrave
Summary: In which Princess Bubblegum and Marceline are brought together in a series of ridiculous events. Seriously. Ridiculous. Events.
1. Chapter 1

Silence. Glorious, vast and empty.

All around her were walls and walls of books, each one placed in exact alphabetical order. The glass pane ceilings streamed with the last rays of a setting sun, and the gold plaited titles shimmered on their straight spines.

And arms shaking, palms rope burned and sweaty, Bonnibel heaved herself up via pulley rope, a small wooden swing under her sore bottom.

The last book, _Yeti: Gentlemen of the Snow_, lay on her lap, ready to complete the final row of 'Y.'

Then, her new library would be officially finished.

At last, she was there, leaning out of her seat, the book barely pinched between her fingers. _Almost. Almost there._

The corners of the book bumped along the edges of the two that would sandwich it, precariously slipping in her grasp. She strained, her lower jaw jutting forward, a drop of sweat hanging from her cheek.

But that was when it struck her.

Silence. Foreshadowing, short lived and impossible to have. _Ever_. Not without dramatic sacrifice.

She lunged, jamming the book sideways, almost slapping her face in her haste to correct its position.

A shadow fell across her.

"_No no no no no!_"

Her glass ceiling imploded, the sound of a thousand diamond slivers whistling and clinking the air rushing her ears.

A great, snarling roar tore past her, a dark, writhing mass sweeping her smack into her book shelf. It was a miracle that her hand held onto the rope.

Dazed, Bonnibel slowly raised her bumped head. Her swimming vision watched as two copies of her book danced into one, perfectly placed into the 'Y' family. The shove must've closed the last bit of space to get it in just right.

"Oh, good," she remarked, rubbing her smarting forehead.

The floor boomed as whatever smashed through her ceiling finally hit, and now Bubblegum looked down, more than happy to be unhappy.

A giant, black wolf was scrambling to get to its paws, but they were sliding, slipping all over the red gushing from its chest and sides.

"OH GLOB WHAT ARE YOU DOING."

The Princess popped her hands free of the rope, letting herself plummet down at break neck speeds.

Her watering eyes squinted against the wind. No self-respecting wolf would ever let its black and grey fur get _that_ shaggy, that bristled and messy. Or let itself get that injured, for the matter.

No normal wolf, at least.

"MARCELINE—WHAT ARE YOU EVEN—!"

She landed hard, wind milling wildly. Blood was far more slippery than she thought.

One of the queen's long and pointed ears twisted back, and Marceline's snarling snout turned, her red gold eyes wide.

"_Don't look at me like that, you insolent butt_," Bubblegum hissed, her hands gripping the lower shelves for balance as she wobbled over.

Blood burst from the wolf's long and yellow fangs, and now the piercing eyes above them glazed.

"I know, I'mma comin'—Glob, stop bleeding!" she commanded, a prickle of worry starting to trail down her stomach.

Of course, that was when the Marauders came crashing through the twin doors down the hall, swords drawn and mouths foaming.

"Ey yo bros, GET OUT," she waved dismissingly. Not even bothering to turn. A few of the blue and bearded Vikings whizzed past her and Marceline, their feet kicking for traction.

"Oy! Stop messing 'round!" their leader barked.

"But the blood's so slippperrrrrryy_yyyyy_!" one of them cried in panic, his voice echoing into a distant cry before they both grew too small to see.

"HEY!" Bubblegum thundered, stomping her foot and whirling on the bearded veteran. _"You_ stop messin' around before I mess with your _FACE_."

His scarred eyes widened, and the Marauder king swung out his arm in a signal for his men to stop. They collapsed against another like a sweaty house of cards, overbalanced in their haste to halt.

"Your Highness! Please move, we caught her creepin' in our mountains—!" he began.

"Does this face LOOK like it's even caring?" Bubblegum snarled, jabbing a finger at her clearly 'not giving a lamb' face. "Hm? HM?"

"Well…no."

"That's correct!" Bonnibel said, spreading her arms. "This stupid animal is now under my roof, my rules, and my jurisdiction. And unless you want candy all up in your buns, making everything _sticky_, you're gonna get OUT."

"I can't have candy up in my buns!" a soldier cried from the bottom of the pile. "I've got a family!"

"Fine," the leader growled, his white eyes narrowing. "Keep her here trapped in…what looks like your prison of doom."

"It's a _library_," the princess seethed.

"I can't be in a library! I've got a family!"

"You heard him, now go fetch your boys out of my 'W's."

They slid down the streak of dark red, a clattering of swords, and she finally quavered her way over to Marceline, who was now splayed across the floor.

"And you! I mean it, stop bleeding!"

"You say that like I can control it," wheezed the queen's voice from a pit of fangs, her mushroom nose flaring as she panted.

Bonnibel dropped to her knees, ignoring the chilled blood as it seeped up past her dress and leggings. Her hands gingerly pressed to the wolf's heaving side, fingers parting the sticky fur.

"What did you do, wrestle a cheese grater?" she grimaced. "Turn back, I can't find half of these under all this hair."

The wolf willed its eyes closed, and shrank down and away into the pale grey girl. The princess's eyes grew, staring at the hundreds of lacerations. And _oh sweet Thor's kankles there was an enormous claw curving out of her chest._

"Oh Glob, Marceline!" she gasped. Because if it was _anything_ besides direct sunlight or decapitation, a nice ol' impalement to whatever shriveled raisin a vampire called a heart usually did the deed.

"It's okay…just don't remove it," the vampire groaned, and somehow, she looked paler.

"It's okay," Bonnibel whispered, her hand gently grabbing Marceline's. The queen squeezed in reflex, a visible wave of pain wracking through her body. "I just need a second to think. There aren't equations for G.C.C.P."

"Speak. Normal," Marceline hissed.

"Gigantic Claw Chest Protrusions!" Bubblegum cried, as if it were blaringly obvious. Then, her mouth shaped into a silent 'oh!'

"Or is there…Marceline! If you were to bite the ulnar and radial arteries, would it not cause a diversion of your venom, thus canceling out the—"

"_Really_, Bonnibel?!"

"If. You. Bit. My. Wrist. Would. It. Give you. Enough blood. For me to pull out. This claw. Without. Turning. ME," Bubblegum spelled out in a long voice, her bloodied hands shaping with her words.

"Oh," Marceline blinked. "Yeah, totally." But then her face winced. "I can't ask that of you, Bonnie."

"You're hemorrhaging all over my wood polished floors. You're sort of asking for it."

"Bonnie—"

"Hide the pride, girl. You can owe me one," the princess said, stooping down and wrapping one arm around the wicked claw.

"Okay, on the count of one! Two! _THREE!_"

She shoved a foot into her stomach, kicking off and using the propulsion to yank the claw from Marceline like a sword from a stone.

The vampire's mouth gaped open, the little air she had left knocked from her body.

Bubblegum thrust her wrist down into it, bracing.

Marceline's teeth sank down and in with two sharp stings.

And then she was weakly suckling on the pink arm. A woozy swoon trailed up Bubblegum's legs, more at the smell of all the blood than the sucking of hers, and she sat, pulling Marceline's upper half up and into her lap.

The vampire was shaking, Bubblegum realized. Shaking and writhing in pain. Her dark eyes were closed, almost looking bruised, but something told the princess it was more from shame than exhaustion.

It couldn't be easy for Marceline to be vulnerable. Stupid, yes, but difficult.

She wasn't sure why, but her free hand unconsciously rose. Its fingers stroked the black strands sticking to Marceline's face away. Her skin, usually cool to the touch, was lukewarm, and she suspected the vampire had her own version of a fever—

"_Whooooaaa_," Bonnibel marveled, eyes growing large and watery.

She felt Marceline's head stir in her lap. "Boobrokay?"

"One, don't speak with your mouth full," Bubblegum scolded, waggling a finger. "Two, _oh my Glob, look at your chest stitch itself back together, that's __**algebraic."**_

The princess gazed, watching as the gaping hole in Marceline's chest slowly disappeared. First in a fleshy layer of pulpy heart, then veins, bone fragments, muscle, grey skin—

Her wrist popped from the queen's lips, and Marceline coughed violently, her freshly healed chest heaving.

Bonnibel shook her head, clearing the dizzy fog from her mind. She had to stay conscious. There were so many questions. "My blood did that? Your other wounds! They're healing! You heal so fast! Is it dark in here?"

And with that, her eyes rolled back into her head, her body slumping forward.

_Oh spit. _

_I'm unconscious_. _Okay, don't panic, it's just blood loss. _

_Wait, when did Marceline last brush her teeth? __**Does**__ she brush her teeth?_

_Oh GOB I probably have scuzzy grunge parasites with tiny black hair and tiny fangs using my intestines as sleeping bags oh NOOOOO_—

"-oooooooo," Bubblegum groaned, her eyelids tightening.

"Bonnie?" came a soft voice.

And then, an ungodly stench of vomit.

"Ew," the Princess flinched, eyes fluttering open. They only needed to see a flash of what lay inside the bucket being held under her nose. "Oh _CAVITIES WHERE DID YOU GET THAT._"

"The bucket? Well, this handy fellow was in the corner over there—"

"THE VOMIT."

"Oh! I couldn't find any smelling salts, so I punched one of those Marauder dude's in the stomach and he totally hurled," Marceline's voice beamed, all too gleeful. "Hey, don't ralph too, the bucket's too full for your spit up."

"Just get it away!" Bonnibel squirmed, leaning back against the floor as much as she could.

Except she wasn't on the floor.

Bonnibel's eyes opened under her furrowed brow, staring into Marceline's face.

She was reclined in the vampire's lap, her spine pressing to the vampire's chest.

Their noses almost touching, and her head was lolled back on the older girl's shoulder, and _their noses were almost touching_.

The corner of Marceline's lip hooked up, the side of her canine shining, and _for the love of God, and all that is holy, their faces were very close and therefore their noses were almost touching._

"Hey," the vampire murmured, setting the bucket down. "You okay?"

And Bonnibel had never noticed how deep, dark, and red Marceline's eyes were. Or how she had really long lashes. Or how her breath was cool and sweet.

"Am I covered in your blood?" Bonnibel whispered.

Marceline blinked. "Huh? Oh. Yeah. Like head to toe."

"Ugh," Bubblegum muttered, meaning to lift a palm to her forehead, but stopping. There, on her wrist, was black gauze. The same sort of black of the tank top strap her cheek was leaning against.

"Oh—you bandaged it."

"With my shirt," Marceline nodded, pointing to a fresh tear in her fabric. Below the ragged line, Bubblegum could see the tight flesh of her stomach. An older scar sat there, something that had to have happened long before the girl had been attacked today. It almost looked like an angry sea horse.

"What happened today?" Bonnibel asked, starting to sit up, wincing, then motioning to stand. Marceline rose with her, hands steadying the princess.

"Some vamp tramp decided that they were tired of having an unofficial and inactive ruler," she muttered, huffing a black strand of hair from her face. "So we did battle, and I eviscerated him. But not before his bros showed up and gave me a pretty decent whooping. I had to run through the mountains to escape, the blue butts got mad, I fell through your ceiling, and…"

She paused, looking down at her feet, pale features struck with realization. When she looked back up, the princess was almost astonished.

Marceline? Serious? What.

"And you saved me," the queen said, her voice reflecting every inch of humble gratitude her torn clothes showed, a rip for every cut that only minutes ago had been bleeding her dry. The one over her chest showed a fresh scar. It almost looked like the rings a tree stump had.

Bubblegum's lips opened. Maybe to brush it off. Maybe to scold. Nothing like the words that came out.

"Yeah, well you scared me. You might be immortal, but as shown today, there are things that will even kill that."

What?

"What?" Marceline sputtered.

_What_.

"I mean…I could've lost you. So be careful."

The blush burning on her cheeks could've fueled a rocket into space. And like Marceline was helping, just standing there, completely taken aback.

Bubblegum pursed her lips hotly, her arms crossing clumsily.

"This is me scolding you. For being reckless and stupid. And messing up my library! It looks like trolls threw a rave party, _vomit_ included. And smells like it too. And if you think I'm going to save your butt every time you go oh hey nay cray, you got another thing—"

A pair of lips pressed to her cheek. Bubblegum's throat tightened.

Marceline pulled back, her breath ghosting the princess's now red skin.

She stared at the vampire. And the older girl gazed back, a hint of a smile gracing unusually soft features. "Thank you. I'm uh, I'm going to get out of your hair now."

She literally did, pinching her grey lips as she pulled loose strands of her tresses free from the princess's gummy locks.

And then figuratively, her dark hair flickering as she kicked up and off into the evening sky framed with a shattered ceiling.

Bonnibel's fingers touched where the vampire had kissed, as if there were something tangible there to feel.

"PEEBLES!" hollered Finn, slamming down the door. "I saw the Marauders come running into the kingdom and—"

The boy slipped, crashing to the ground.

"Whoa! What's up with all the blood?" Jake squealed from the doorway, his ears flat.

"Yeah, it's not yours, right PB?" Finn pressed, his face swollen from catching the fall.

"No," the princess murmured, her hand slipping from her cheek. "It's fine."

"The hole in your ceili—"

"All good."

"Are these wolf prints—"

"Easy peasy."

The boys watched as she walked past them, staring ahead. "C'mon, let's get some help to clean up, shall we?"

"What…Bubblegum hates wolves," Finn muttered.

"And blood," Jake whined, looking like someone was throwing a blue into his yellow. "I think we should just follow her man, I'm going to be sick."

"Hmmm," the boy grumbled, but follow they did.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: You guys are the only monsters I can really scream at when it comes to my OTP, so I'm going to annoy you briefly by demanding you listen to the song found under this link (copy and paste, yo): ** watch?v=M4V8sGl4coE

**It's what I, as a professional Bubbline shipper, would totally claim is their relationship's soundtrack. It sounds like it would be in Adventure Time, reminds me of both simultaneously, and it's good fun. Promise. Let me know what you think.**

-Chapter Two-

_And so, the throne for the Queen or King of Vampires- for there is only one monarch- is a pile of bones collected from only the most worthy of slain brethren. It is extremely uncomfortable, as the Queen or King must retain the ungobly power to hover. _

_And the crown is a strung collection of dried ears, each bitten off and cured in baby oil. It is to be worn around the head, the pointed ends stabbing upwards-_

"Oh puke," Bubblegum griped, closing the book titled _Bleh!_ It had been written for vampires by vampires. Which meant it was wrapped in vampire skin, and written in vampire blood.

Apparently, they were really into recycling.

And gardening, surprisingly.

She stretched, back stiff from pressing against the narrow shelving of her tomes. She calculated it to be just after midnight with a yawn, rubbing her eyes.

"Oh man, you're reading that? It's boring as spit."

Bonnibel jumped, looking up past the glow of her lantern to see the Queen of the Vampires herself. Marceline was laying on her back midair, her head tilted back to eye the girl below. Her dark hair cascaded to the floor, only an inch away from touching it.

Oh no, how long had she been there? The princess had _just_ itched the inside of her nostril in a most _distasteful_ manner.

"Marceline?" she stammered, struggling to sound authoritative. "How'd you get in here?"

The vampire pointed to the still shattered ceiling. Most of it had been repaired, but a large section held the night sky at bay under a tarp.

It was chilly enough for the Princess to wear a hoodie over her jeans, though her hair was tied up in a studious manner.

"Why are you still up?" Marceline cocked an eyebrow, something akin to mischief written all over her face. "You aren't worried about the tools I told you about earlier, right?"

"Just had me curious…why aren't you an active ruler?" Bonnibel gestured to the dried up book. "This almost sounds like something you would enjoy."

"What, sending armies across the land, drinking every man, lady, and child dry? Bashing people's skulls in and breathing in their red mist? And for all eternity—that gets _boring_ after a while." She ghosted backwards in a languid sweep of her arms, as if she was just floating in water.

"Is that what the vampires want?" Bonnibel asked, her thumb sliding across her first two fingers. It was a habit from usually having a pencil to make notes.

"It's what some of them want," Marceline said, brow furrowing. "Creatures evolve over time. You become less feral and more civilized. It's the fringe part of us that refuses to let go of their crusty old ways."

"And they won't do this without a leader who wants it?"

"I'm not a dictator," the queen scoffed. "Technically, I'm not even 'active.' They can do whatever they want. But it's frowned upon. If they actually _got_ a foot in the royal door, well…" Marceline shrugged, face all too casual. "You'd all be dead."

"So, because you're immortal, they'd have to kill you to assume the throne?" Bubblegum asked slowly, piecing the information together.

"Yep," Marceline popped her lips. "There's no royal family. It's not passed down through a blood line. It's taken with blood."

"You killed your way to the top, then," Bonnibel murmured, recalling the scars she had only caught glimpses of. Marceline's jeans and plaid button up shirt would cover any of them now.

"Honestly…I did it because it took the pressure of my shoulders to do the Nightosphere," the queen muttered. "Any time dad tries to lug it off on me, I tell him I can't do both."

"You and him really don't get along, huh?"

Marceline's eyes flicked her way, and for a second she saw a flash of the crimson she had seen up close earlier.

"Bonnie, I'll talk about anything else but that."

It occurred to the princess that for once, the two were just talking. Not arguing, not bickering, and not teasing. And that the queen had been quite open.

"Fair enough—why are you here?" she asked instead, drawing her knees up to her chest. Her cheek was tingling, and she wondered if vampires didn't have some sort of biological chemistry in their lips.

Marceline's brow furrowed, said lips parting.

They were quite full, a shade of grey only a little darker than the rest of her skin…

_They move so smoothly too. Oh carp, she's talking, fool! Pay attention!_

"—don't like owing people. Honest, I didn't mean to crash land here. I leapt from the top of a mountain and got some mad air. It was all very," she shrugged her shoulders, shaking her head. "Spontaneous."

Recalling the utter word vomit that had fire raided from her lips, Bonnibel chose her words carefully now. She pressed her finger tips together, pointing them down.

"I would've saved Finn's life if he was in the same predicament. I'm not going to let a friend die."

She chanced a look up, eyebrows leaping.

Marceline paused, twisting so that she was upside down, eyes level with Bonnibel's. She cocked her ashen head, and they scanned her pink face.

Which was suddenly burning…_why_?

"We're friends?" the vampire asked, her sincere confusion taking the princess aback.

"Well…" Bonnibel began slowly, eyes searching. "Of course we are."

"Shut up," Marceline hissed, head whipping away to glare down the shadows beside them.

Bonnibel's face twisted in offended shock, her mouth ajar. "O-or _not_—!"

"No, I mean, shhh!" Marceline snarled, pressing a hand to her mouth. At once, Bonnibel understood, but before she could even try to follow the girl's gaze, the vampire grabbed her around the waist, summersaulting them up so quickly that the lantern was blown out.

Bonnibel's feet spun over her head, her guts knotting, and she braced for a fall.

…That wasn't happening.

Her eyes popped open, making sense of the scene. Marceline was holding her bridal style, crouched low atop bookshelf. And her arms were wrapped around the queen's neck.

And they really needed to stop ending up this way.

"You said she would be here," a voice growled, snaring her attention. She stared down, her arms unconsciously tightening around Marceline.

"I said I smelled her blood!" snipped another, this time coming from the left.

Her eyes were adjusting to the shadows below them, and the princess watched as a long, bony and pale finger dragged across the floor, its claw leaving a scratch.

It rose up and under a bald and lumpy head, pointed ears sticking out.

"Looks like it's been cleaned."

Another head appeared, this one almost _scaly _looking. As if a bat and lizard had fallen in unfortunate love. But wait—that couldn't be right…

"_Is his nose—?"_ Bonnibel almost mouthed.

"_A pear. Yeah. I bit the real thing off,"_ Marceline breathed into her ear. And now Bubblegum was _sure_ there was something in the lips of vampires, because she felt a long shiver roll down her spine.

Oh, enough of this nonsense!

"_Marce, if you owe me AND these guys are on your tail, you should kill two birds with one stone,"_ she hissed.

"_I see what you did there," _Marceline said. _"But those dweebs aren't worth the blood you gave me. Or the saving of my life, for that matter."_

"_So you gotta save my life to make us even?"_ Bubblegum replied.

And Marceline turned, pale star light tracing her brow, her cheek bone and jaw. It lit the skin of her dark hair into a shimmering blue, skimming her lashes.

It was suddenly very hard to swallow. And Bonnibel's brow dipped. _What the error is going on with me_?

"Sounds 'bout right," Marceline murmured, rich and slow. There was the glimmer of red in her eye, like blood peering out of a paper cut.

Bubblegum's mind made the sound of a car engine stalling. Why was everything so _dreamlike_, despite the danger curling under their feet?

So heavy? Like she was under a spell…?

A spell? Vampires could hypnotize couldn't they? Something about attraction and saying _'bleh!'_

And saying it a lot. Like way too much.

And wouldn't it be _just_ like Marceline?

"_Well, two can play at this game, you pumpkin eater cheater_."

_Oy, fat tongues—_

Wait. Oh spit.

"…_What_?" Marceline asked, her brow furrowed, and Bonnibel's nose wrinkled as if her self loathing smelled.

_Oh GOB, I said what I was supposed to think and thought what I was supposed to say—YOU IDIOT! REVERSE! REVERSE!_

"_OY, FAT TONGUES!_" Bubblegum burst, the vampire before her flinching back.

The vamp tramps below hissed, staring upwards with gooey orange eyes, their teeth looking more like razor blades than anything. The one with a pear for a nose shrank back.

"What it is?" he cowered.

"I don't know. It's giving me fear," the other muttered, and his ears drooped.

"It's just so… _pink_."

"You want Marceline?" Bonnibel hollered over them, slipping from the vampire's arms to stand.

They nodded meekly.

"You gotta go through allll this," Bubblegum growled, gesturing to her body.

"What? GIVE US THE QUEEN!" Nasal Pear snapped, thick black hair rising over the skin of his back. The other lurched onto the book shelf, making it sway beneath their feet, and Marceline shrugged with a nod, obviously impressed.

"That'll do it."

She rose, stomping a red boot down.

With a roar of wind she flipped forward, shifting midair into a monstrous bat.

Her jaws peeled back, revealing sword length fangs in a hiss, her leathery wings unfolding like a cobra's neck fan.

Her webbed talons crushed the vampires underneath them, splintering the floor, and Bonnibel marveled at the sheer power in the girl's _toes_.

_I bet they could crush boulders, geez. _

"No! Your highness, please!" the ghouls cried, gripping the death toes.

"We came to apologize! It was all Jeff's idea!" Fruit Nostril sobbed, his face turning purple under the strain.

"Jeff?" Bonnibel blurted. "What kind of vampire name is_ Jeff_?"

"Well?" Marceline snarled, her head slithering down into the beasts' faces.

"What—?" Lumpy started.

"Answer her, you rude donkey!" the queen snapped.

"I don't know!" Lumpy wailed.

"And why should I forgive you, maggots?" Marceline glowered in disgust, her wings folding across her chest in an oddly human sort of way.

"You don't understand. There are things happening among us! Terrible things," Pear urged. "We were all united by blood thirst. Then some of us changed. Got all fancy pants. But those who didn't—they're tired of being looked down upon."

"So "Jeff" decided to usurp the throne, and regain authority, once more bringing in a reign of blood drinking," Bonnibel summarized.

All three vampires peered up at her. She rolled her eyes.

"Jeff wanted to kick your cans so he could rule."

"Right! But once you escaped, and the awful Jeff lay slain, we realized the error of our ways!" Pear moaned. "We knew we had to find you. And _beg_ you to return to the throne! You're _needed_, Marceline, Vampire Queen!"

They kissed at her lethal paws, groveling the best anyone could under the bone crushing weight of a demonic bat.

Marceline's foot jerked up off of Lumpy, as if fire had erupted across his dimpled body. "Oh gross, it sounds disgusting coming out of you."

With a snap of her neck, the much more human Marceline popped back into existence, her red boot gagging Pear into watery eyes.

Where did her clothes _go_ when she turned, anyway? Bubblegum's fingers snared into fists._ Glob Dermnit is there not ONE logical thing about you?! _

And darn that black haired siren. Darn her to—did the princess dare to even think it- _heck_. Oh. Apparently she did.

Because more than ever, the queen had the princess's utter and complete fascination.

Everyone else was just so _straight forward_ with what they were. Everyone but her.

"Get out, you squares," Marceline sneered. "And if I _ever_ catch you near me again, I'll skin you alive and make me a _new_ pair of boots."

They scurried away like rats, and the vampire turned, gazing up at Bubblegum.

"Whelp, you and I are officially even," she said all too smugly, running her nails up and down her shirt before checking them.

Of course, the princess felt like it was _anything_ but the truth. If there were some sort of score board, Team Bats would have a crushing lead.

_At what? What game are you playing?_

And she? Lose to the likes of _Marceline_? Some grudge grunge goddess of _spew_?

And putting her in some sort of _haze_?

_Un-uh_. Peebles don't play that jazz.

"Should I have it _notarized_?" Bonnibel scoffed, rolling her weight to one hip and placing her hand there.

She watched as Marceline's eyes flickered down her body, and as they climbed back up a smile etched across those lips.

"Well, someone's a Sassy Sal," she murmured, moving to stand under where the Princess stood. "Isn't it past your bedtime?"

How did she know Bonnibel was to sleep at ten-?! Focus. She's pulling her whack hocus pocus. She doesn't know _jack_.

"You wish. C'mere," Bubblegum crooked her finger.

And was that a flicker of uncertainty? Was that Marceline's tall glass of too cool for school twitching?

But it was only a second.

And in another, the queen was inches away, lean face all too eager. Ready. Hungry?

"I believe I'm a freed hooligan, _sugar_," Marceline lifted her chin, looking down a fine nose.

"Yes. But being an official, I like to have my contracts…" And Bonnibel paused with purpose, leaning forward. Her hand touched the vampire's cool neck, nails grazing the two puncture spots forever branded in her grey skin.

Marceline's eyes grew wide, and heart pounding, knees strained rigid to keep from shaking, Bubblegum tucked the black waves of hair over a pointed ear.

"Sealed," she spoke into it like a microphone. And then, before she could stop herself from being so unlike herself, she pressed a kiss to the vampire's cheek.

The skin under her lips was cool, as if always wind chilled. And sure, she had brushed up against the girl before (because Marceline was ALWAYS in her face), but on skin as sensitive as her mouth, it tingled almost numb.

Marceline inhaled, motionless in surprise, and for a girl of grunge, she smelled like wind. Like a bowl of stars raining down a dark sky. Like the shadows in a river.

If it sounded too vague to pin, it was because it was just another discovery of enigma. Just another dead end in her mind.

Bubblegum finally pulled away, hoping she was masking her defeat. But hark, the sound of an awkward rocker!

"I…Alright. You…" Marceline was struggling. She was moving back, Bonnibel's hand falling from her neck.

"You're weird when you stay up late," the vampire laughed in a breathy way, her fingers scratching black hair back across her ear as her eyes darted everywhere but the princess.

Triumph bloomed inside Bubblegum, and she was giggling too, a hand covering her mouth. "Look at your face! If those vamp tramps saw you now, they would feel _lame_ for fearing you."

"Right, and if your subjects saw you, they'd think you were spoiling up there," the queen shot back, not missing a beat. "_Gob_ Bonnie, I should keep you up more often."

"I'll let you if you can keep up!" Bonnibel gleefully shouted, watching the vampire roll her eyes over that toothy grin.

Watching as she floated back up to the rim of moonlight above. "Go to _sleep_, you jellybean!"

"Whatever, tooth fairy!" Bubblegum called after her. Wow, she was wide awake. She never felt so…so _alive_.

She dropped her hands to her hips, face flushed but smug. "Way to comeback, Bonnie," she whispered to herself.

It took a few seconds for her grin to fade, her foot tapping.

"…Right. How to get back down. Fifteen shelves up. Perfect. Smooth, Princess. Real smooth."

Curses. Marceline takes the lead.


	3. Chapter 3

Within a week, Bubblegum had managed to squeeze most of '_Bleh_!' between her royal duties. Mostly at night, when she was supposedly asleep.

Twice she had nodded off during summoning's, and she hadn't even bothered paying attention to the Marauders when they came back only to hear there was no wolf imprisoned in the depths of her wicked library.

A few times, Bonnibel had inwardly accused her obsession on Marceline's rock and roll voodoo rather than her brain's insatiable hunger. But so far, she hadn't come across anything in _'Bleh_' that would suggest a vampire could magically hypnotize their prey.

Sure, it listed how 'sexy' they were—although Lumpy and Pear were definitely not in that department-, and yes, they could use their said 'sexiness' to lure. But most of the time, a vampire simply '_mauled and hauled their prey into caves, bashing in their skulls and breathing their red mist_.'

But they did. She knew they did. They had to have. And especially their Queen. Gob knows how powerful one got from slaughtering others. Marceline probably entranced her fans without them knowing it.

Only the weak minded could get brainwashed. And that was one muscle Bonnibel could flex. Organ, if anyone wanted to get technical.

Yet sometimes—particularly after a more gruesome passage—she briefly mulled over what Marceline was doing, being the nocturnal creep she was. It wasn't like the queen dropped by often.

The pink had yet to return to her wrist, a bracelet of white skin with those two little dots on the inside. She had taken care to cover it in company with the largest wrist watch she could find. The last thing she wanted was a series of questions.

Her stomach gave a good gurgling roll, and she grimaced, hand leaving her notes to rub there.

Finn, being the good hero he was, seemed worried over her too. He kept bringing her chicken noodle soup, thinking it a cure all, and valuing the friendship she held with the boy, she kept eating it. And if she ever saw broth again, she was going to hurl.

"Oh, Finn," she groaned, her head thumping to the table. "Why must you be so kind with your _noodles_?"

Because that was definitely the only reason her stomach was aching.

And night walks totally help achy stomachs.

Nice, long night walks.

Wrapped in coats to keep herself warm, her boots laced up to her knees, breath huffing into an endless stream of fog—oh yeah that soothes it.

Those creepy gnarled trees that resembled flesh eating wood nymphs? You might as well chug carbonated sugar water!

The howls of hungry wolves? You might as well take a hot bath.

Dank, dripping and jagged mouth of a cave, the darkness swirling inside likely to suffocate you with its sheer darkness? _Sign. Me. Up._

Down into the cold water that circled and nipped her thighs through her leggings, stomping through mud and the skulls and apple cores that came burping up from it. The wind moaned down into the cave, it's longing call echoing off the walls.

Up until she reached land, a dim house with light humming past the frost slick windows, and the muffled strums of a guitar within.

"_I got two fangs, and I never knew they were each a_

_Sweet tooth_.

_You got me hungry, lemme have that sugar rush_

_Let me drink you till you're blue—_"

There was a pounding knock at her door, and Marceline's ear perked.

Oh geez, if it was that stupid Simon again, she was going to kick his tightey whiteys until they turned _brown._

She axed her bass guitar into the ground, its blade sticking in to keep it up. And he better not be peering through her windows, because she wrote her best stuff in her undies, her hair in a loose pony tail.

"_Simon says go shove your head up your-_!" she snapped, slamming open her door.

A pink fist smashed into her nose, and Marceline's knees crashed to the floor.

"_MOTHER FU—_!"

"Oh! S-sorry Marceline! I-I d-didn't know you were o-pening tha-the doorrrr," came a teeth chattered voice. Her watering eyes glowered up, and she immediately forgot her pain.

Bonnibel almost looked _blue_ she was shivering so hard, twigs in her pink pony tail and clothes damp and muddied.

_Oh plums! I gotta do something!_ A very secret and noble part of Marceline thought.

_Wait, do we make fun of her or warm her up?_ The rest answered.

_KILL HER AND DRINK HER DRY! _Well, that was going in the trash—obviously that was her father speaking.

_Wait a minute—both! Man, I'm clever. And sexy. _

_So…so kill her and make fun of her-?_

_NO—oh my Gob, move over, I got this_.

And so it came to pass that Marceline stopped bickering inside her mind and yanked Bonnibel in, closing her door to the harsh winds outside.

"Are you looking to make yourself hard candy or something?" she growled, hunching down into a sit so that her enormous bat body could fit inside her living room. Her grey green arms buried the frigid princes into her chest fur, wings wrapping around them both. "It's definitely past your bed time, you brain lord."

_Eee! It's like holding an ice cube to my boobs_—

The vampire's snout twitched. "_Why do you smell like soup_?"

"I-I have to t-t-talk to you," Bonnibel shook. The fur around her was hot, and she gratefully snuggled deeper into its plushy depth. It didn't smell half bad either, for a bat.

"And you couldn't just call or something?" Marceline snorted. "What is with all of you princesses and endangering yourselves?"

"I don't have your number," Bonnibel trembled. She stuck her hands onto the heated skin deep within the hairs, and the vampire jumped at her frigid touch.

"You could've sent a messenger," the bat glowered. And really, she wasn't angry. If she was going to ever be honest with herself, it was worry.

They were _wolves_ out there. And worse, people like _her_ out there.

"You _ate_ the last one," Bubblegum replied, and her voice was losing some of its shakiness.

"For the last time, I thought he was candy."

"He _was_ candy!" Ah, there was a feisty little kick. She shifted her wing, checking down at the girl cradling to her fur.

"Better?"

"Ugh," Bonnibel rolled over, peering up with exhausted eyes. "How?"

"Bat fur's pretty thick—?"

"No, how do you _speak_ with a bat tongue?" the princess asked, shifting onto her back. Her arms were curled up in front of her chest like some sort of helpless wiener dog, her nose red and sniffling.

The bat smiled. _Sometimes I could just eat you up, Bonnie_.

"Why is it always twenty questions with you? And my tongue stays the same—it's why it's so long and forked, even when I'm a chick."

"That…that actually makes sense," Bonnibel murmured before a yawn overtook her.

"Maybe we should talk in the morning," Marceline began, but not before a long and loud burst of snoring assaulted her ears like machine gun fire.

Bonnibel lay limp in her arms, mouth agape.

"Oh geez, her breath reeks of soup," the vampire coughed. She eyed her window outside, and with her excellent night vision, she found the flying weather to be dreadful.

Whatever. The princess had made her bed by coming all the way over here. And now she'd just have to sleep in it.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: So, a few of you have requested I continue 'The Shirt.' Do the rest of you guys agree?**_  
_

Chapter 4-

_The waves were crashing in her ears. It was the only way Bubblegum knew she was seaside. _

_Everything was pitch black around her, except for the millions of stars splayed overhead. Like sparks blooming from a firework, frozen in mid explosion. _

_It was the only sound she could hear—the water fell back in a drain suckling rush, growing in on itself. It rose and fell, beating down on the shore with the same force it had used to erode rocks into the sand swept._

_And she could see it too, if she looked at just the right angle. The stars would shimmer across it, revealing it like lanterns in cemeteries._

_She just couldn't try to imagine it, or expect it for that manner. If she did, it would disappear. She saw the pattern, her brain forming around it. _

_Fine. Play these rules instead. Reality does not apply. _

_Let it be, she felt her lips mouth, over and over until the ocean bowed in front of her eyes in a large rolling wave. _

_Like a living mirror. Like a writhing and caged animal. _

_She watched the blanket of stars rush past her legs, bracing for a chill but finding there was none. She was warm all over, head to toe. _

_She looked up, not having to wade. She walked slowly. _

_And ahead, Marceline's dark hair whipped in the wind. She was standing waist deep. _

_Bubblegum's lips parted to call her, but like before, nothing came out. The motion of sea was too loud. _

_Now walking slow bothered her. She leaned forward, the galaxies rippling around her. Her hand stretched out, fingers brushing the grey ones treading asteroid belts._

_And Marceline turned, her nose long and pointy. Her teeth were grinning triangles breaking out between her white and flowing beard.  
"I'LL BE YOUR QUEEN,_"_ The Ice King cooed. And then his white eyes fell closed, his lips puckering as he leaned forward—_

Bonnibel jolted awake with a loud _snerkt!_ Her heart was pounding, eyes wild till Ice King's face faded from behind them.

_Just a dream_, her reeling brain managed. _He didn't kiss us. We're okay. We made it out alive_.

A leg slid down hers smoothly, a pair of hips settling into a more comfortable position under hers. And soothed, Bubblegum's head drooped back down to Marceline's chest, where the vampire's breathing came in waves—

Her eyes popped back open, alarm once again racing through her veins.

She reared up, staring down in horror. Her brain assessed the damage.

The queen's head was turned to the side and titled up. Her face was a blank slate, not peaceful but not stressed. One arm draped back over the river of her black hair, the other down her side. Their legs were still tangled.

And Marceline was in her black underwear. Of course she was in her underwear.

Thank Gob the half-naked girl remained deeply in slumber, because Bonnibel knew she wouldn't have heard the last of this.

And being the nocturnal turd she was, that meant it _was morning_.

Bonnibel slapped a hand to the side of her pink face, pulling the skin of her eyelid up. Her hair was lumped and tangled, her clothes wrinkled and all up in every place they shouldn't be.

After such a traumatizing nightmare, she had to pee. And her mouth tasted like _sourdough_.

She struggled to rewind her brain, but it was all groggy. Groggy with _vampire_ _dust_. Or whatever the lump was in Marceline's skin to make it _that_ soft. Like ridiculously soft.

"_Stop being soft_," she growled, kicking her legs free and awkwardly rolling away from the queen in some sort of handicapped summersault.

The vampire shifted, her back arching off the floor. Without Bubblegum's weight, she drifted upwards and rolled onto her side, her bottom cradled in black spandex above the lean curve of her grey thighs.

"I'm not that heavy, you stupid sexy vampire lady," Bonnibel grumbled. Why in _Ooo_ had she even come here?

She knew the consequences of seeing _this_ girl. It always ended up the same: inappropriately dressed reminders of why they had difficulties getting along.

Why she even still bothered telling Marceline that she was distasteful and immature was beyond her—

Oh, that's right. Telling her she was being immature, in a way, was why she came. Plus, it was killing her stomach.

A burp kicked out from her gut, and she slapped a hand over her mouth, eyes wide. Well, that and Finn's cooking.

She lay down on her belly, army crawling over to where Marceline's black hair twitched across the floor. She moved to grab it, but it flicked away.

"What?" she muttered. She tried to touch it again, and it danced away from her fingers once more, as if the world's messiest cat tail.

And Bubblegum had seen her some messy cat tails.

She frowned, curling her ring finger and pinky back towards her palm and raising her hand. Her index and middle fingers stood like legs beneath it, and her thumb waved shyly.

Marceline's hair paused.

Bonnibel's hand took a step forward, then curtsied.

The hair twisted, bowing back. It extended some of its strands, and she touched her thumb to it. They shook, rather politely actually, and Bubblegum gently grabbed the dark tresses.

They circled around her hand, smooth like silk. Although Marceline had some MAJOR split ends. She grimaced, tugging on the hair.

"_Marceline! Wake up!"_

"_Mmgph you wake up_," the queen grumbled, curling up into a fetal position.

Oh, so she wanted to play the _Peebles_ way?

Bubblegum yanked down, and Marceline nosedived into the floor.

"Mother fu-!"

"Marceline!"

The vampire rolled over with a groan, clutching her nose. "Beezus bO' Bryans, bar boo brying bo break by _bose_?" she hissed.

Well, if it was long and pointy, yes. But enough of disturbing images and haunting nightmares. She made a mental note to lay off of spooky night walks before sleep.

Before anything, actually.

"You destroyed my library," Bonnibel said, towering over the queen. "This means you still owe me."

"I saved your life from the geeks!" Marceline spat, wiping a line of red from her bruised nostril. "We 'sealed' on it, remember?"

Bubblegum blushed, but it was across a determined face. "_That_ was you repaying me for saving _your_ life, not for my library."

She pulled her watch away, pointing to her paled wrist, and Marceline eyes adverted from the bite mark with a helpless bitterness.

"I didn't ask you to. Crashing into your torture room-"

"Library!"

"- was a mistake," she growled, pulling herself up. "And after _you_ came to _my _house, I warmed your buns back into the pink bubble they are, so there."

"_I do NOT have a bubble butt_!" Bonnibel gasped in anger. "And that library is my life. I don't know how many precious tomes I had to toss because your blood made the pages soggy."

"What are tomes?! Why can't you speak?!" the vampire asked, shaking her hands as if she was trying not to strangle the intelligence from her.

HA! As if her brain would die from _strangulation_.

"BOOKS! You owe me! And I get to call the shots on what makes us even, _not_ you!" Bonnibel demanded, her finger and nose jabbing up into the vampire's surprised face.

"_Fine_," Marceline hissed, her nose wrinkling in a snarl. "What are your high and mighty conditions?"

"You have to take responsibility for your shattered kingdom," Bubblegum said, crossing her arms.

"_WHAT_?" the older girl barked, an accusation of insanity crossing her features.

"Yes!" Bubblegum cried, seizing Marceline's arms. "You don't know how much it hurts my stomach! Thinking about all your subjects, just thinking about how they need you! They're like helpless wiener dogs!"

"Don't you put your royal complex on me! Vampires aren't baby brained lollipops, unlike _someone's people_!" the queen snapped, her dark hair flaring and eyes growing a snake venom green. "We're solitary predators, like tigers or aardvarks."

"Right, because tigers band together and wear pears for noses, and kiss their queen's death feet in desperation-!"

"_Death feet_-?!"

"Don't change the subject! I've been reading all up on your people! There's a reason why there's a king or queen. You owe _them_ the rectifying of your kingdom more than you owe me! And rectifying means-!"

"I know what rectify means!" Marceline shouted, and Bubblegum blinked at the crumbling tone in her words.

The vampire's face was caught between anger and hurt desperation, and she almost reminded Bonnibel of a small girl in a world too big.

Like her, in a way.

The vulnerability was too odd, and she shifted her feet, looking away. "Marcy…I'm sorry. I don't think you're stupid—"

"It's not that!" Marceline bit, her features hardening at once. "_GEEZ will you just go back home already_? Maybe where you're actually _needed_?"

The vampire turned, making to hover away, and Bonnibel's fighting spirit returned.

"Where are you going?" she demanded, but shrank back as Marceline whirled, her dark hair rising.

"Look, I'm only going to say this once," she growled, jabbing a finger Bubblegum's way. "I actually _like_ being friends with you. Finn and Jake are awesome and all, but it's nice when I can pal around with you too…"

"Marceline…" Bonnibel began, but the vampire shook her head to silence the rosy girl.

Shoving a hand through her long bangs, the queen sighed roughly. "I had fun the other night. And I'm sorry I ruined your library. So if it takes me making those morons come together, right now, _over me_, to stay on your good side…well, then so be it."

She slithered into the kitchen and up through a square hole in the ceiling, and the princess moved to stand under it, peering up after her.

"You can't go alone! What if they gang up on you?" she called.

"Jeff and his boogers caught me off guard. I'm on offense now," Marceline hollered back. Something black came down over Bonnibel's eyes, and she flinched, yanking it off.

It was Marceline's underwear. She seized up, throwing it down at her feet with a mad blush.

Well, at least she knew the girl changed that.

"No way," she started up again, steadying her voice. "I wanted you to go with Finn and Jake, or at least someone who'll have your back—!"

"What, you?" the queen scoffed. She lowered upside down in black leather boots and jacket, her jeans dark and shirt blood red. Her axe bass was slung across her back, the curve of the bladed side looking more wicked than ever.

"You might as well tie a horse trying to play an accordion to my leg- you guys would just slow me down and play dumb songs about hay and friendship."

It stung, but the princess wouldn't deny that she was no match for vampires and songs that weren't about friendship. Well, no match for vampires _except_ for Marceline

Jeff too, because _come on._

And if she was winning, then why did she feel like she wasn't in control here…?

"Well how else am I supposed to know you're going to do what you said?" Bubblegum raised a brow, crossing her arms once more.

Marceline cracked her knuckles, then her neck. "I'll bring you back a souvenir."

Her grey hand came forward before Bonnibel could stop it, gently but firmly grabbing the back of her pink head.

The vampire leaned in, face serious. "Promise."

Her forehead bumped Bonnibel's in some sort of ritualistic head butt.

For a moment, her cool skin lingered, and Bubblegum almost pressed her forehead back.

But then Marceline was drifting towards the door, Bonnibel hot on her heels. Well, more of under them.

Down the rocker's porch and back into the mud swamp, the princess's legs once again drenched. Marceline was heading towards the depths of the cave and away from the sunlight just beginning to pour in.

"Remember what I've said so I can say I told you so!" Bonnibel hollered.

"Go home!" Marceline dismissed, but her dark hair snuck in a friendly wave.

Unless that was just the swamp fumes making her see things.

And with that, the shadows swallowed the vampire whole.

Something popped up besides Bubblegum's leg, and she looked down to see a skull bobbing there.

"Don't look at me like that… no one can just shrug off their destiny," she glowered. The skull's loose jaw bone opened, the air from its sockets bubbling up between its teeth.

"She _chose_ to take over the kingdom! You can't just throw it all away because it gets boring!"

The skull rolled over, face down, and she kicked it, watching it sail up to the house's roof.

Marceline would be fine. She lived to be scary and cruel.

She stomped away, pretending the memory of the girl shivering in her lap or confessing in her underwear wasn't nagging at the back of her thoughts.


	5. Chapter 5

A few days passed, and as Bubblegum was flung from one errand to the next, she took pride in knowing that Marceline was probably just as busy. The vampire had to be enjoying the rewards of being sought after and looked up to. Admired and loved.

And while she did find herself imaging the queen in her crown of ears and barking orders quite often, she certainly didn't worry.

A week or two passed, and Bubblegum shouted 'HA!' all to herself. It was the dead of night, her body curled restlessly around the last paragraphs of _'Bleh_.' She had finally found textual proof that yes, Marceline could and most likely was performing hypnotism.

"_When attempting to practice the act of 'hypnotism' _(Got you now, you cheating leech!), _it is important to recall that flattery and manners _(Yeah, Marceline definitely didn't read this) _are required first._

_To hypnotize your prey, said quarry must already be enthralled in your presence (_What.)_. Only the incredibly weak minded and stupid can be hypnotized. Anything smarter than a shovel or a lobster _(That wasn't…this isn't) _must be seduced-?!"_

"Seduced?" Bubblegum spat, slamming the book shut as if it was a door leading into a nudity party. "Marceline's _never_ seduced me!"

_It's okay_, her brain reassured. _Obviously, this segment was written for peasant vamp tramps. Marceline's the QUEEN, after all. _

She peered back into the pages.

"—_beforehand. Even the king or Queen is not powerful enough to brainwash a mind of fortitude, much less a clever koala_ oh cabbage!" she huffed, tossing the dumb book to the ground and rolling over in her bed to glare out the window.

"I am a clever koala," she said to the dark sky. "Marceline just played up that vulnerable act and made me feel…feel _sympathy _towards her. That's hardly 'seduction."

When the vampire finally returned, she was going to give her a piece of her big ol' mind!

Three months went by, and there came a quiet knock at her door.

Peppermint hesitantly left her side to answer it, and she didn't bother getting her hopes up this time.

In her fretting need to know Marceline was alive and well, she had become desperate enough to think that the rock star would ring the phone or asked to be let in through the front door, knowing full well Marceline only came in the dead of night through her bedroom window.

But every time, it had just been another guest or friend.

And only owls and moths had entered her room through a window kept wide open now.

She slouched in her throne, feeling the weight of her crown.

Marceline had been correct in saying that their kingdoms were much different, but had it really taken her till now to realize how different?

Her people were cuddled on a daily basis, for Billy's Sake! Vampires were more dangerous than, than sharks with tentacles. And hawk wings. And a secret cat head. Like tentacat shark hawk—

"Your majesty," Peppermint bowed. "The human Finn and dog Jake are here on your behalf—"

"Yeah, okay," Bubblegum sighed, straightening herself. Peppermint lingered for a moment, something akin to worry on his face, but he knew that if it was one thing that always cheered up his princess, it was Finn.

He opened the door, allowing the heroes in.

"Hey P.B! Brought you some soup," the boy chirped, heaving a steaming bowl up.

Bubblegum's lips pursed tight, but she ignored her body's resistance for the sake of manners, and forced them to smile. She cradled the soup in her arms, enjoying its warmth at least.

"Thank you Finn…" she paused, brow furrowing. She slid up to stand, placing the soup on her throne. "Wait…you only bring me soup when you think something's wrong…"

"Peebles, I know something's up," he replied, a fist thumping on his chest, his eyes closing sadly. "You got a serious case of the feels."

"The huh?" Bonnibel asked, raking her brain for what he was saying.

"You're all gloom and doom and stuff!" Jake agreed/translated, his legs stretching up into stilts. "We haven't seen you turn that frown upside down in weeks." His long body arched up like lips smiling before deflating down into a pout.

"Oh. Well," she started, voice dying away. And this wasn't a spell. She knew what she was feeling. And as if the boy's sheer virtue were inspiring her, her denial split like a dam under raging water.

"I'm _worried_!" Bubblegum burst. "So worried—and guilty, too! Marceline, she may be in horrible danger. And it's all my fault Finn. I was selfish, so caught up in my ways that I couldn't see hers."

"What the math?" Finn exclaimed, drawing his yellow bladed sword. "Mar Mar's in danger? Where?"

"Oh Finn, can't you see?" Bonnibel's crumbling face pressed down into her hands. "I can't send you now! Regrettably, I almost did. But now I must go on my own. I have to make things right, and sacrificing you isn't part of that answer."

"Aw hey naw!" Jake snapped, weaving his head. "We can't let you go running off after that creepy vampire alone!"

"Yeah, whatever's too dangerous for Mars is going to be WAY too dangerous for you!" Finn cried, eyes bulging.

"Yeah! Like 'a-shark- with- tentacles- and- bird-wings' too dangerous!" The dog declared, his limbs wriggling as a fin and wings sprouted up from his stretchy yellow skin.

"With 'a- secret-hidden-cat- face' too dangerous!" Finn agreed, and despite Jake's scowl, his jowls folded into a lumpy cat face.

"What? That's lame man, cats are lame."

"Cats aren't lame—you're just saying that because you think they're snobs."

"Enough!" the princess shouted, her hands falling down to clench into fists. "Even if it _is_ that dangerous, it's my fault she's there. I've been reading up on vampires, I know what to expect. And I absolutely forbid you from following me."

"WHAT? No flippin' way, Peebles!" Finn strained, face turning red within the white circle of his hat.

"You must Finn," Bonnibel said. "You're right, I do have the feels. And the only prescription is saving that butt's _butt_!"

She turned to move towards her room, for what she wasn't sure. Her mind was racing with the endless possibilities of what she could encounter, the tools in her arsenal whipping before her mind's eye.

"No!" Finn yelped, reaching out and snatching her wrist. "I—huh? What's this?"

She felt his thumb scraping over the bumps Marceline's teeth had left, and she whirled back around, face red. It was too late; Finn stared down, his mouth agape, and Jake peered over before recoiling.

"Did she bite you?!" the dog whined. "No wonder you've got feels!"

"No, I have feels because I'm guilty from something I did wrong!" Bubblegum forced, yanking her hand away. "And what would Fire Princess do if you got hurt, Finn? You have to think about her too. And what about Lady, Jake? You two have_ puppies_."

"Leave my beautiful family out of this!" the canine gasped sharply.

"I'm trying to!" Bonnibel all but yelled, throwing her hands up in exasperation.

"Oh, thanks."

"We're not letting you go stone alone, PB!" Finn charged between them. "Marcy's my gal pal too. And as a hero, I have to help anyone who needs it!"

The look on his face was one Bonnibel knew too well—'no' wasn't even on his radar. But she couldn't possibly take him.

_Oh, why didn't I just sneak away? I really got to start thinking more like Marceline_. _Where are you?_

"_Dude, your skull is mad cramped," echoed an all too familiar voice. _

_Marceline?! But—how-_

_The queen appeared in her mind's eye, floating upside down with a toothy smile. "No, not really. I'm more of a figment of you going mental."_

_Close enough! What would you do?_

"_C'mon, Bubblegum. You're the brains of this operation. Literally." She poked a grey finger into Bonnibel's grey matter. "What would I do?"_

_But then Marceline's shoulders rolled, her thick long hair sweeping down. " And let's not get lost in what I would do __**to you**__, shall we?"_

_I beg your pardon?_

"_I know you looked at my butt while I was sleeping," Marceline purred, floating on her side with an arm over her hip, the other propping up her grinning head. _

_I did no such thing! Stop trying to brain wash me, I'm A CLEVER KOALA!_

"PB?"

"Wut..oh!" Bonnibel snapped out of it, wiping her mouth and quickly pouting. "Alright Finn—we'll go together. But there are three places I think she might be. If only I could go to them all at once!" She draped a hand over her eyes helplessly, peering out from a small space of pink skin.

To her excitement, Finn's mouth popped open with eager thought.

"That's easy! I'll go to one, Jake will go to the other, and you can go to the third! You can call us on BMO if danger arises."

"_Nice one Bonnie! Now slide 'er on hommmmme," Marceline growled through gritting teeth, sliding down on her knees and hammering out a frantic solo on her axe bass. _

"That's a marvelous idea Finn!" Bubblegum exclaimed, relief poured into her act of joy.

"So, where do we go?"

"Oh..uhm… The Bouncy Castle and the Meadow of Giggles," she responded slowly, pointing to each boy respectively.

"Why would Marceline be in danger there?" Jake asked skeptically.

_I'm not going to get away with this meddling dog, or his stupid kid, too! _Bonnibel inwardly fretted.

"_Hey, you got this. You know me." Marceline wrapped her arms around Bonnibel, smelling like falling stars and rain, damp dark places the sun couldn't reach- _

It dawned on her instantly. _You're right!_

"Do those _sound_ like places of enjoyment for her?" Bubblegum demanded, arms akimbo.

"PB's right, she would die from lack of violence and damp shading!" Finn shrieked, his eyes watering.

"Come to think of it, I'm feeling bad for the peeps stuck with her," Jake groaned.

"That too!" Bubblegum beamed. "Think of the _suffering_!"

"Where will you be going?" the boy asked, but this time, Bubblegum was ready.

"The mountains!" she said, thumping a fist down into her hands. "The Marauders totally owe me one, that's why they visited and stuff, you know, convenience, I'll meet you guys back here bye!"

She ran from the room, lifting her dress up and over her head. Beneath was a pair of boots and white slim snow pants and coat.

"Thank Gob I'm always ready for a cold kidnapping," she growled. As she ran down the halls, she couldn't help but think of sliding towards Marceline that fateful day in her library.

'_I know, Imma comin.' _

She skid into her lab, seizing a backpack and stuffing what she needed in light speed.

Then before she knew it, she was leaping off the roof, arms spread eagle.

"KAHEE KA!" she hollered, and The Morrow swept up under her legs.

"To the caves' on the southern side!" Bubblegum urged, and the bird's wings shot backwards as it rocketed through the cold evening sky. A tear streaked down her eye, and it wasn't from the gale force wind.

_I just hope I'm not too late._


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: To ShallowGlass, who has reviewed everything I've written and helped assure me that I'm better than I think. Three more chapters for you, S.G. You go, S.G!**

**And none for Gretchen Wieners. **

-O-

Bubblegum's heart was throbbing in her chest. It kicked at her ribs like a trapped rabbit.

She held onto The Morrow tighter, scared her trembling limbs were about to give inches from the ground.

The bird arched his wings back, his talons splaying for the earth. She braced, feeling the enormous eagle stop just inches from the cave's mouth.

"Okay," she whispered to herself, prying her hands free of feathers. Her feet touched down, and The Morrow was off.

She swallowed thickly. The fear knotting her guts was now sweating down her palms. What was she going to find here?

She stepped into the cave, hunching and crawling down to keep herself from sliding.

Was Marceline going to be a drained skeleton?

She stepped over the now dry dirt at the bottom of the cave, littered with the remnants of bones and apple cores eaten years ago, and her stomach churned at the sight of the empty house.

Were the windows dusted over? Were there spiders in her bed? Rotten fruit in her fridge?

She stopped, gripping a rocky pillar. Her jaw clenched tight, lips quivering. The darkness swelled in front of her, but it was the last thing she was afraid of.

It would be all her fault if Marceline was…

_Gone_.

Her teeth snared down on her lower lip, forcing it to still.

_No_.

She inhaled deeply from her nose, face settling into determination.

_What would Marceline do_?

A voice murmured faintly inside her skull, and her eyes welled shut, straining to listen…

"_I don't bathe in blood—that's hard to get out of towels."_

What? No, something else—

"_I don't look fish in the eye. Those poo eaters don't deserve it."_

Well, yes, she had said that, but later she had apologized for sounding ignorant with the ever sensitive, "Man, that wasn't me back there. That was my father."

Come on, dig deep—

"_Sometimes you gotta pee like a big dog."_

Close enough.

She grabbed a fist full of dirt, rubbing her hands together before stamping two black handprints over her eyes.

The crown and coat were stuffed down into her back pack, and she ripped the sleeves off of her grey sweatshirt. A cold wind eagerly ran down her freshly exposed skin, but she didn't shiver.

The princess crouched, shaking her hair loose and wild.

"_Pink's the new black_," she growled at the shadows. She lunged forward, a wilderness spiking through her like wolf blood—

Her foot hit empty air.

And too startled to scream, Bonnibel plummeted.

-O-

"Hey! Have! You! Seen! Marceline?!" Finn hollered with every leap.

"No means no!" a frog yelled. He flipped, webbed toes slapping at the boy's face.

"Gobslamnit!" Finn snarled, falling back to bounce on his buns. "I've asked everyone here!"

The Bouncy Castle had at least thirty-eight jumping rooms, colored brightly and swollen with air belching up from natural vents in the earth. And not one animal, mutant or baby had seen the rock star.

"Me too man," Jake groused, springing over upside down on his yellow head, jowls flapping.

"Hey, you were supposed to be in the Meadow of Giggles!"

"I was there alright!" the dog grumbled. "They laughed at me for falling for this obvious rooster!"

"_OMG! U mean RUSE! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!"_ cried a daisy, popping from his gold ear. He growled, stuffing a pinky in to pull it out.

"They should call it the MEANDOW of Snickers!"

"Wait…you mean Bubblegum tricked us?" Finn stared, managing to land on his feet.

"Yeah man! She really didn't want us following her!" Jake said, finally yanking the flower from his ear. "Got ya!"

"But why would she do that? What did she do to Mars?…Waitaminute…" Finn's face froze, pupils growing wide.

"_LOL look at his dumb face!"_ the daisy shrieked, kicking its roots. Jake stuffed it into his mouth, chewing down hard and spitting a green blob out.

"Oh my Gob," hissed Finn, curling down so that his hands could grip his face. "Jake…it's all coming together."

"Uh oh!" the dog popped back to his feet, wrapping his arms around his buddy. "I know! Bouncing around all day really gets the poop chutes working!"

"NO!" Finn exclaimed as the dog stretched them out the nearest plushy window and into the night dipped grass below. "I get it now!"

"Get what?" Jake said, the rest of his body whipping down.

"PB's feels! The shirt that the Door Lord took! Marceline's song! And wanting to make PB jealous! And totes sabotaging me that night with the wolves and wrestling! Peebles telling me sometimes you want to be with someone but you can't, the bite on her wrist-!" Finn cried, gripping his head as if the universe was being funneled into his skull. "Jake, they're in LOVE!"

"_Eh_?!" Jake's head leaned back in disbelief. "What're you going all bananas about?"

"Bubblegum and Marceline! If you can love a Rainicorn, and I can love a Fire Princess, then a Candy Princess can love a Vampire Queen!" Finn burst, grabbing the dog. "And they deserve to be just as happy as us."

"You don't know that! And you can't go playing cupid, dude," Jake warned, paws gripping the boy's shoulders. "Some people aren't together for a reason."

"Name one reason besides Marceline being a creepy vampire," Finn frowned.

"Hey! I've been working on that. Sort of."

"And if this is why Bubblegum couldn't let me be hers…then this might be the final closure I need to really be with Fire Princess," Finn admitted, casting his eyes down.

"Well…when you say it that way!" the dog caved, pouting. "But how are we going to get _them_ to see it?"

An expression of heroic thought washed over Finn's face, and he peered into the distance.

"I think I got a plan, Stinky Stan…" he whispered.

Jake sniffed at the white cap astride the hero's head. "…Dude, my name's Jake. I think you fried your brain."

"You can't brain your fry, Stan! Let's gooooo!" Finn ran off into the night, his arms over his head.

"I really think you should rest first! It smells like that time we burnt the tuna melt!" Jake cried, bounding after him.

-O-

_Annnd I'm dead. Thanks a heapin' bunch of flips._

"_I didn't tell you to leap first without looking, Irony Princess_. _Ha. I'm funny."_

_You did subliminally, with your who do voodoo—_

"_What? I'm not that type of girl Bonnie. I don't force my way on others by holding their arms behind their backs over mistakes."_

_I know. I'm sorry. I kept putting myself in your shoes, but instead of taking in I was looking out. _

"_Wait a sec, rewind…you think I'm hypnotizing you? You know that only works if I've seduced someone first."_

_Paws off, Marceline! You're not even the real thing. You're just a figment of my guilt!_

"_So I'm you internalizing me to tell yourself you dig me so you can tell me that you like me."_

_Yes! I mean no—hey! HANDS ABOVE THE WAIST—_

"_Hold on, babe, that's not me."_

_What—_

"_The hands on your buns are coming from __**outside**__ your body! Look alive!"_

"What…"

Bubblegum drooled, feeling her body thump down onto the dirt. Her eyes were swimming in dark shapes and orange flames, her body too dazed to flinch at the claws prodding and rasping the flesh of her arms.

She snapped into focus, though, at a pair of red boots touching down.

"What is it? It's so _pink_."

"Back away," growled voice, deep and low. Bubblegum heard the skulking of several feet, and one of the red boots snuck a tip under her shoulder, rolling her over effortlessly.

Marceline stared down, two dark red lines staining down the corners of her lip to the bottom of her chin. She was wearing a black shirt over her jeans, gaping holes down her sides where no sleeve has gone before. A large, bright red 'M' sat on its center.

For the first time since meeting her, Bubblegum felt a flicker of fear. _Wait_. She squinted past the Queen's heavy gaze.

Oh good _word_. Ears. So many. Many. _Ears_.

Some fat, some long, all crusty, mummified ears—they laced about the top of her head, trailing down her shoulders along her mane in the most disgusting headdress ever.

"What are _you_ doing here?" the vampire queen hissed. Her head lowered, and the torch flames pooled her eyes into a reflective green.

"Mars…it's me. Under the stupid outfit," Bubblegum whispered. Her voice couldn't find any strength.

"I'm well aware. Who dressed you?"

"You did."

"Eh?" Marceline cocked a brow, her fangs gleaming.

"I mean, when you were inside me," Bonnibel said, then hastily adding, _"My head. When you were in my head."_

"So, you think you can just show up after _months___of ignoring me?" Marceline flashed her teeth, moving to circle the princess.

"Are you _nutting with me_?" Bonnibel snapped, scrambling to her feet despite a flare of pain in her hip and arm.

The hundreds of vamp tramps about them gasped, lurching shadows only distinct from another by their illuminated eyes.

"You said you would bring me a souvenir! That you would stop by! You _promised_!" Bubblegum shouted, reaching up to adjust a crown that wasn't there. She was smart enough not to show her panic upon realizing someone had taken her pack.

But without any sort of back up in a realm that did _not_ belong to her... she was also smart enough to know that she was royally screwed.

"I've been sending moths for _weeks_," Marceline rumbled. "Haven't you been getting them?"

"Moths…?" Bonnibel repeated slowly.

Her open window. The moths that came in.

The ones that she immediately sprayed, watching them nose dive into mothy oblivion.

"_Moths_," she squinted her eyes, lips pursing as her cheeks filled with air.

"That's your guilty face…" Marceline started, narrowing her eyes as the tip of her tongue pressed to a canine. "You sprayed 'em, huh."

She turned, addressing her legions. "OY! GET OUTTA HERE. Y'ALL SMELL LIKE THAT TIME FINN AND JAKE BURNED THE TUNA MELT."

Grumbling, the shadows retracted, crawling into walls and oozing along the floors. Slinking off until it was only the Queen and the Princess.

And somehow, Bubblegum felt more endangered than ever.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Sorry I'm late on updates! I've been in the middle of moving. The moving of my **_**soul**_**. No, I mean the moving of my body. To another **_**grave**_**. No, I'm alive. Mostly. **

-O-

"So…whattya think?" Marceline asked, splaying her arms and hands to gesture at the rank den about them. "Pretty royal, yeah?"

The motion rustled her crown of ears, and they rustled and rasped together over Bonnibel's gag reflex. And yet, she felt herself exhale, unaware she had been holding her breath.

Marceline looked more harmlessly smug than ever. Gob, she was sassy. Even her thick hair was sassy.

And she toned. And very curvy.

_No, we're angry, remember?_ Her mind buzzed.

Her feet swept forward, arms looping around the Queen in a tight embrace, her chin tucking over Marceline's shoulder.

_Okay, we really need to work on angry._

"I thought you were dead," Bubblegum whispered, reveling in the relief the older girl's physical body brought.

_Maybe later._

Marceline stiffened, cool hands grabbing her shoulders to gently pull her back.

"…I am dead," she half shrugged.

"I mean _that _dead." The Princess pointed dryly to the pile of bones serving as a throne.

"Oh—psh, no way. I'm _The Queen_, Bonni-beans," the vampire smirked, nudging Bubblegum's arm in a gentle roll of knuckles.

"The Queen of what, broken promises?" Bonnibel muttered, socking Marceline's bicep. The vampire winced, and then wrinkled her nose.

"Why are you always like this?" she growled, narrowed eyes flashing.

"Like what? Worried? I thought I had your blood on my hands," Bubblegum hissed, raising her scraped red hands. "Glad to see it's only mine!"

_There we go._

"Whoa, hold up," Marceline said, fingers snatching hers. She peered at her grazed pink palms before pulling the surprised princess into her front.

_You know what? Let's just reschedule._

"What are you doing?" Bubblegum gasped at the chilly hands running down her sides. They tucked up into her torn shirt with such casualty that the princess could only shudder at the nails ticking against her spine.

"Making sure you didn't totally bang yourself up falling down here," the vampire murmured, brow knitted in concern under loose bangs. "Y'know, Bonnie, next time you try to infiltrate us, you ought to make yourself a little more pasty…"

Bubblegum seized the hands now sliding down across her hips. "Marceline," she demanded, both girls nose to nose. "Did you decide to stay down here?"

The vampire's eyes darted between Bonnibel's, and something in them softened to a mirth Bubblegum hadn't realized she missed so much.

"Geez, you really missed me, huh?" the Queen asked, lip curving at its corner. Bubblegum frowned, her eyes rolling. But inwardly, she felt a burst of relief. The rest of the tension between them was dissipating.

Well, at least the killing one.

"Is this even blood?" Bonnibel quirked her brow. She reached up, smearing the red lines trailing down the vampire's chin across her ashen lips.

"I don't know, you tell me," Marceline muttered, and before Bubblegum could even blink, the girl leaned down and pecked her mouth.

"MARCELINE!" roared Bonnibel, her face burning as she scrambled out of the laughing Queen's arms. If she thought her lips had tingled before upon meeting the vampire's cheek…now the skin there was _dancing. _

And not the appropriate three-books-apart-dancing either.

"Ugh, my mouth was open and _everything_!"

"I know!"

"What is that, cherry?" Bubblegum winced, scrubbing her mouth with the back of her hand. It only made the tickling worse.

"Beginner's luck," the vampire dismissed with a wink, and the princess's stomach flipped. "But to answer your original question, I sent those moths inviting you down so you could see. Put _this _on a stick and lick it."

She brought her lips together in a sharp whistle, wrapping an arm back around Bubblegum's waist and pulling her close.

And the princess might have complained if the shrill note got to echo more than twice before the walls crawled to life.

Hundreds of shadows slipped back into the cave around them, claws scraping against rock. Bubblegum huddled a little closer to Marceline, eyeing the glinting stares appearing everywhere.

Only now, Bonnibel could see them more clearly. She squinted, brow furrowing.

"They're…they're wearing _top hats_. And they all have thin little moustaches…" _Even the women._

"Yeah. You should feel _dumber_ for wearing whatever you want to call this number," Marceline snorted, tugging at the hem of Bonnibel's pants. "Cause we _fancy_ now."

Fancy and dumber feeling _indeed_. The vamp tramps were now vampi-sirs. Each one had his or her hair combed, their evening attire gowns and suits. Even Pear Nose had swapped out his molding fruit for a wooden set of nostrils, complete with a monocle.

"Fear not, my fellows," Marceline drew boringly, inspecting her nails. "Pink's the new black."

"Oh!" cried the smooth operator formerly known as 'Lumpy,' "Pink's in!" He tore his white button up shirt down the middle, revealing a magenta one beneath.

"No, I mean to drink," Marceline frowned. "How long have you been wearing those?"

"Wait, does that mean she's for drainin'?" someone in the crowd piped.

"Who said that?" the Queen snarled, and the vampires parted, revealing a rather porky one in parachute pants and mutton chops. He waved at Bubblegum, who strained a smile.

"Oh, never mind. He's expressed interest in eating everyone," Marceline explained. "Sup, Slendy."

Slendy waved harder, and Bonnibel turned back towards the Queen.

"Well, I can't say I expected this," Bubblegum murmured, shaking her head. "You got them all to drink color."

"I know, right—wait a minute, the only option your super aerodynamic brain gave you was that I failed miserably and died like a dog?"

"_No_," the princess tried. Marceline glowered.

"Well…"

Marceline dipped her head to level their eyes, her brow quirking.

"Like a noble dog."

"Are you kidding me-?" the Queen groaned, turning away.

"Like Jake after too many refried beans or something! Hey!" Bubblegum caught the girl's startled face in her pink hands. "You're right. I didn't think you could do it. But you did."

"So you're not mad?" Marceline asked, her lips squished between her cheeks in Bonnibel's grip.

"Nope," Bubblegum smiled.

"Then why are your nails digging into my face?"

"I'm just so happy that you're okay," the princess said, stretching the vampire's grey skin and letting it snap back to her facial bones.

"Hey…can we go now?" Slendy asked from below. "My arm's getting tired."

"So we're even," Marceline grumbled under a smile over her own, rubbing her cheek.

"Seriously…breaking a sweat down here," Slendy panted, falling to his knees.

And before she could even dare to tell herself no, Bubblegum leaned in with a quick kiss, jumping back to watch Marceline go blank in a blushing shock. Her grey fingers lifted to her lips dully, and something much deeper than playful struck at the princess's chords.

"Definitely cherry," Bonnibel whispered coyly, her eyes falling to her boots.

Oh, hey, she was standing with a major pigeon toe. Well _that's_ embarrassing.

"Bonnie," Marceline called out quietly, and the princess felt the older girl's voice lift her head back up. The vampi-sirs, perhaps sensing something she was just beginning to feel on the verge of, were scuttling away.

"Yes, Marceline the Vampire Queen?" Bubblegum replied, gazing up into the vampire's face.

But she was staring behind her, dark eyes wide and narrowed. "Get behind me."

Bubblegum felt her body twist behind Marceline's with a single tug on her wrist. Her eye sight spun before landing on a tall and suited man.

Only he definitely wasn't one of the others. She could tell by the way her heart sank.

His red pupils slit through a pair gooey green eyes. They sat in the sort of bemusement a shark might express beneath a sharp widow's peak and over a pair of thin lips. Like the face of a leech. A leechy man.

"Marceline the Vampire Queen…that's got a ring to it," he hummed. His voice crawled down Bubblegum's insides in a cold ripple, and she felt a need to grab Marceline's hand and find a place to hide.

The Queen between them bristled visibly, her shoulders squaring.

"What are you doing here, _Dad_?"


	8. Chapter 8

"Dad?" Bubblegum asked incredulously. Of course, she had known that Marceline had a father. And sure the Queen was pretty wicked. But not evil, and never _this evil_.

"Whoa, you're_ pink_. Marcy dear, what did Daddy say about playing with your food?" Mr. Abadeer smiled wanly, his body bending awkwardly at the knees.

"One, as Queen of this realm, I order you to _leave_," Marceline growled so deeply that Bonnibel almost didn't think she was the one speaking. "And two, who summoned you here?"

"No, hun buns, I told you not to commit to any sort of relations with your food," he chuckled. "You don't want to eat where you sleep, you'll get crumbs in your bed." He walked towards them slowly, if you could call rolling your limbs like a corpse held up by puppet strings walking.

"And then, you'll get _ants_," he hissed, his green fangs jutting out from his chapped lips and dripping with yellow ooze.

Marceline's body hunched down, and the enormous black wolf she had been before reappeared, shaking the crown of ears free. They smacked into Mr. Abadeer's unfazed face, the momentum wrapping the tassels around his head.

"You take one step closer, and I'll put you right back where you belong," Marceline snarled. Bubblegum leaned into her furry shoulder and neck. She wanted to hide and shove the Queen behind her at the same time, and the absence of her backpack now weighed more than the bag could have ever.

Because under a spell or not, Marceline mattered. And they were going to go back home together.

"I did!" a voice rasped through her swelling panic, and Bubblegum blinked. Whoever was talking almost sounded like a garbage disposal had gained sentience.

"What?" Bonnibel said, peering around them.

"I summoned Hunson Abadeer!" the voice crackled again. A shadow slid down from behind Marceline's father, a pair of red eyes peeling open within.

"_Jeff_?" Marceline spat. "You're alive? And _late_, by the way. I asked who summoned him minutes ago."

"Well, I didn't hear you!" Jeff swung his legs down, collapsing to the floor. But when he stood, Bubblegum realized that Jeff was only unfortunately named for a vampire. He was a hulking mass, his face appearing in the flickering torch light and resembling more of a carved ham.

"You tore my ears off, remember?" he gurgled, his claw hands jabbing at the dents in the sides of his bald and burnt head. "You're not fit to rule this place. And now your dad's going to ground you _forever_."

"Excuse me?" Hunson asked, head twisting all the way around, the ears slipping off. "You're lucky my girl even considered ruling such a pathetic bunch of pasty hobos. After all, she only did it in one of her teen angst spells."

"Daddy!" Marceline snapped, pointed ears falling back.

"See how cute she gets when she's threatened?" Hunson cooed, seizing Jeff by his mauled neck.

"What are you doing-?!" was as far as Jeff got before Mr. Abadeer finished what his daughter thought she had.

Bubblegum's eyes clamped shut, her head twisting into Marceline over a churning stomach. Honestly, she didn't need any more fear. This was just overkill now.

Just then Marceline threw back her head with a vicious howl, and the sheer force of her canine voice snuffed the torches, throwing them into a pitch black.

Talk about thinking too soon—

"Hang on!" hissed the Queen, and Bubblegum felt her morph back into a girl, strong arms bringing the princess into her front. In a rush of shadows and wind, they sped up through the dripping tunnels. They weren't even halfway when a shrieking roar billowed up from the dark, griping Bubblegum's heart in a vice.

Even if they got back, even if she could lock them up behind her candied walls—then what? She had never seen anything like Hunson. Would Finn and Jake get mixed in and kill themselves?

She squeezed her arms around Marceline's neck, her eyes welding shut. "_I'm sorry," _she mouthed against grey skin. Her pride had ruined everything.

She should've never tried to make the girl what she wasn't. She liked Marceline this way.

She liked that the vampire was crude and capricious and absolutely nothing like her. She…she…

Bonnibel's eyes opened against the wind. Because she was finally admitting to herself that there wasn't vamp voodoo after all.

The cave opened up around them like a set of jaws spewing them into the night, interrupting the princess's epiphany. The Queen landed roughly, her boots skidding.

And then Bubblegum was shoved forward, Marceline moving to head back in. The princess seized her wrist, alarm shooting through her like a bee's sting.

"No!" she burst. "Marceline, you can't face him alone!"

"He's my Dad, Bonnie," the vampire said, yanking her arm free. "You need to go back to where you're safe. He'll kill anyone who tries to stop him."

"Just wait—I'll call Finn—we can face this together!" Bonnibel cried, desperation straining every syllable. And she was going to have to say it to make Marceline stay. She was going to have to swallow every jagged bit of vanity.

Even if the vampire didn't feel the same way. Even if it meant she was wrong.

"For the love of Gob, why do you get so weird past your bedtime?" Marceline snapped, whirling. "I mean it, Bonnibel, go home! This is only going to get nasty."

Despite the harsh tone, Bubblegum could see the veil of worry in her glare. It was always the worst part of being a princess. You could only watch others die to protect you. And no one, not even LSP—okay, only LSP-could possibly feel worthy enough for that.

She hated it when Lady Rainicorn and Jake and Finn did it. And even though it was one of the first times, she hated it just as much that Marceline was.

"What if he takes you back to the Nightosphere? What if he wins?" Bonnibel demanded. Marceline's hands strained up by her head in frustration, and she leaned down at Bubblegum, hair bristling.

"Why do you care so much all of the sudden, anyway? Someone's going to have to take it over eventually. I see it now, okay? I see that I'm only going to endanger everyone by making him come back again and again for me. And aren't you the one always going on and on about how we can't run away from our responsibilities?"

Her grey hands cupped Bonnibel's face, her forehead bowing to touch hers. "You win, okay? It's time I did what everyone needs. Just go home. I can't see anything happen to you."

Bubblegum's fingers trembled before they grabbed the vampire's wrists, her rosy face screwing up in pain.

What else could she do? Her phone was in her now lost backpack. If she whistled for The Morrow, she couldn't force Marceline not to fly back.

And as tough as she could be, Peebles be a lover, not a fighter.

She pressed her forehead back, trembling in the cold adrenaline rushing over her again and again. Her racing brain wasn't coming up with anything, and now it was just running on empty. It had all gone down to her pounding heart, and that itself could only say one thing.

"Marceline," she started, eyes wet as they found the Queen's inches away. Her dark hair billowed out in the corner of the princess's sight, and Bonnibel watched as the strands flowed out by the stars over them…

_Like a dark sea full of stars…_

"The night I fell asleep in your arms, I had a dream. There was an ocean I could only see if I saw it for what it really was. I couldn't try to imagine it or force it into anything else, or it would disappear. And when I finally let go of my pride and saw it...it was beautiful. And I didn't put two and two together, but when you showed up, I should've known I had to see you how you are, not how I or your dad or anyone else wants you to be."

"Bonnie," Marceline whispered, frail and pleading. The princess felt her nails curl against the back of her jaw, felt the older girl move closer.

"And I see you now. And you're beautiful." Bubblegum murmured. Her eyes slipped shut, and she felt Marceline's breath ghost across her lips—

And then Marceline was gone, Bonnibel almost falling forward. She stared up instead, watching as something from nightmares swung the vampire with a black arm sprouting from its throbbing, bubbling neck. Hundreds of tiny little hands wriggled and pulled, searching from the split throat for whatever they could find.

A giant white and horned head opened its vertical mouth full of fangs and laughed in a hundred voices at once, the slanted eyes above it grinning. Somehow, it was all swelling out of a suit, and that was how she realized this was the _real_ Mr. Abadeer.

It was when he slammed Marceline to the ground that Bonnibel snapped out of it.

"Sorry dear," Mr. Abadeer sternly apologized. "I'm hurting you because I love you."

Oh no. _There was so much wrong with that sentence-_

"Marceline!" she screamed, charging blindly forward. That seemed to snap the Queen out of it too. Mr. Abadeer watched as an enormous bat grew too big for his neck hand to hold. His skin split into tethers, and he wheeled backwards from his now hairy and winged daughter, Bonnibel skidding to a stop.

"Go! Back! HOME!" roared the vampire, her claws ripping up and down her father's suit.

"Yeah pink, this is between Mar Mar and I," Mr. Abadeer explained gently, his fist giving a hard upper cut to Marceline's chin. "Ooo, glad your mother isn't seeing this."

"I meant _you! You filthy Mc'Nasty!_" Marceline rammed her teeth into his head, and his pupils widened, thousands of throat hands coming up to pry at her jaws and struggling to keep her paws from ripping them off.

"I'll make you eat detergent for using that language, missy!" he snarled, teetering about under his daughter's weight. "Two people can play the sucking game!"

The crevice of his mouth yawned open, and Bonnibel nearly puked at the egg like membranes bulging out.

What the _bunk_ was this guy made of?

He inhaled deeply, and the air vacuumed in, pulling at Bubblegum's hair and clothes with such ferocity that she hunkered down.

"DOP DRYING DO DEAT DY DRIENDS' DOULS!" Marceline spat around her father's skull, her pawed leg kicking straight down into his mouth.

"HURK!" Mr. Abadeer gagged, and the bat was launched off of him in a mad stream of fizzing vomit.

"OH WHY IS THERE ALWAYS SPIT UP!?" Bubblegum hollered, shielding her face with her arms against the torrential down pour. Something thumped at her feet, and she dared an eye open.

It was Jeff. Well, the remains of Jeff. But could that be, sitting on his back…?

It almost seemed too good to be true! He must've mixed in with the others and taken it when she was out cold. _Probably the one who touched my butt, too._

_Actually no. No I don't want it to be. I am NOT sticking my hand in puke._

"_Ey yo Bons, how about sticking your hand in my dad's ralph and getting that backpack?" _

_Mental Marceline? I don't need you anymore, I had my epiphany._

"_Well, I'm having my butt handed to me, and it'd be really swell if you WOULD HURRY THE FLIP UP AND DO SOMETHING BRAINY."_

A scream tore out, and Bubblegum whipped around in time to see Mr. Abadeer rip a wing down the middle, the bat attached to it pinned under his legs.

"Oh _HECK_ no!" the princess snarled, ripping her pack free. She dug down into its swampy contents, her fingers curling around the one Hail Billy she really could've used earlier.

Seriously. Timing was really starting to get on her nerves.

"HEY, CHINLESS!"

Hunson looked up. "Marceline, why is your friend playing in my throw up?"

"I'm not her friend," Bubblegum hissed. "I'm her _girlfriend._"

And with that, she chucked a wrapped up bowl of Finn's soup straight into his mouth.

Well, she meant his mouth. But her aim was a little off, and it exploded into his eye instead.

"AH!" screamed Mr. Abadeer, clutching his face. He collapsed off of Marceline. "NOT CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP! IT'S MADE FROM LOVEEEEE. AND NOT THE DETRIMENTAL KIND I HAVE FOR MY OFFSPRING EITHHHEERR."

Bonnibel rushed, slipping and sliding over bile. She even fell to her knees in it at Marceline's large bat head. "Marceline?" she asked, prying open one of the large eyelids.

A pale green eye the size of a large squid focused on in on her. "Are you covered in my dad's throw up?"

"Yeah," Bonnibel laughed weakly, running her fingers through the tuft of fur on the vampire's head.

"This isn't over, pink one!" Mr. Abadeer hissed, and both girls jumped, twisting to see him staggering away.

"Wait a minute…Bonnie…is that bug milk I smell in the soup?"

"Ugh, don't tell me that! I've been eating it for weeks," Bubblegum groaned, closing her eyes.

"No…quick, draw a happy face," Marceline struggling, raising herself up before shifting back.

Her father turned, his melting marshmallow for a face locked in horror. "DON'T!"

But Bonnibel had already scribbled one out in the puke, a stubble covered smile under a pair of glasses.

"MALOSO VOBISCUM ET CUM SPIRITUM!" Marceline cried, pulling Bubblegum into her arms and lurching back.

The face cracked apart into a fiery jack o' lantern's grin, a great and wicked wind rippling around Mr. Abadeer. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shrieked, dragging all the way until the ground sealed over him with a loud burp.

With the call of demons cut short, the air around them was pure silence. And in it, Bonnibel craned her head away from Marceline's shoulder.

"You know, you can let go of me now."

"Psh, _so_?" the Queen scoffed.

"Okay," Bubblegum smiled, leaning back into the girl's hold.

At least she would've, if a giant tentacle hadn't witch slapped her into the goblamb air.

"Bonnibel!" screamed Marceline from below. And then, "Oh what the fu-!"

Her incredulous voice was cut off by the massive flapping of wings, and Bubblegum twisted to see her attacker, struggling in the ropey limb wrapped about her.

"Oh what the fu-!" she agreed, her own aggravated sentiment drowned out by massive jaws snapping before her.

Because besides the one wrapped around her, there were hundreds of tentacles whipping about a shark's grey and white head, each one connected beneath the enormous hawk wings protruding from its back.

Three hundred rows of teeth parted, and from within the fish's mouth came an orange tabby's head, its green eyes big and playful.

"Mrrreeeowww," it purred.

"Oh no. It has Bubblegum," a familiar voice droned out from below, and the princess nearly pulled her neck muscles to look down at Finn.

The boy was sprawled across Marceline's feet, face blank. "You have to save her Marceline. The tentacat sharkhawk has defeated us. Help. Help."

"What…" the vampire muttered.

"Yeah, help Marceline!" Jake called out, lying on his side, his four legs stiffly jerking back and forward. "You must save her so you two can smooch face and touch butts."

"Ew, Jake!" Finn hissed, sitting up to glare at the dog. "That's gross!"

"That's what people do when they're in love! Hush up, you're going to blow our cover!"

"HOLD UP!" Bonnibel commanded so loudly that even the creature holding her hostage paused in its writhing. "FINN THE HUMAN AND JAKE THE DOG—DID YOU TWO JUST REALLY SIC A...A WHATEVER THIS EVEN IS ON MARCELINE AND I TO BRING US TOGETHER?"

"Yes," Jake whined, drooping his ears.

"What the equations man?! Now they'll _never_ get together!" the boy wailed.

"WE ALREADY DID!" Bonnibel hollered.

"You did?" the heroes blurted.

"Yeah! Wait, we did?" Marceline asked.

"Meow?" the cat called again.

"YES. And you!" she snapped, turning her attention on the beast. "Put me down before I skin you and make the world's _ugliest _sweater vest!"

The cat face scrunched up into a hiss before diving back into the shark. With a sharp roar, the tentacat shark hawk plopped Bubblegum back into Marceline's arms and swam off into the sky.

"Whoa, go Bonnie," the vampire grinned slowly, shifting her shoulders so that she could hold her in the more comfortable bridal style. "You okay?"

"I was doing fine until I found out those actually exist," the princess sighed, moving her arms around Marceline's neck. "I think I'm done for today."

"Did I hear you say fu—?"

"No. No you didn't."

"I'm so happy for you two!" Jake cried, leaping up onto Bonnibel's stomach, who 'oofed!' loudly under his weight.

"Thanks Jakey," Marceline leered, her fangs gleaming.

"Uh, hey Finn, maybe we should go put the tentacat in a cage or something!" the dog hurried, bounding past the boy with his tiny tail tucked.

Bubblegum's eyes fell upon her white hatted hero, and she felt a pang of guilt at his empty face. He was one of her closest friends, and without his persistent kindness, she might not even be here.

And yet, here she was, forever sealing their love unrequited for his friend.

"Oh Finn," she said quietly.

The boy kept staring.

"Finn," she repeated, a hand leaving Marceline to snap.

"Oh! Sorry!" the boy grinned, his face red with a rabid sort of joy. "I was totes zoning out about how great you gals are going to look in your wedding dresses!"

"Too soon," Marceline and Bonnibel shook their heads at the same time, but the boy was off.

"Wait up Jake! I don't wanna see them touch butts!"

"I'd…I'd like to go home now," Bubblegum muttered, head falling back into the Queen's chest.

"Yeah, I could use a bath," she agreed, kicking them off into the night sky. "Y'know, my tub's pretty spacious."

"Marceline, that's _distasteful_," Bonnibel giggled. "Although, it would save water…"


End file.
